


if we go down, then we go down together

by wafflesofdoom



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Relationship Problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 20:45:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9402239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wafflesofdoom/pseuds/wafflesofdoom
Summary: after aaron is released from custody, robert runs him a bath, and they try their hand at some honest conversation.post the january 20th episode.





	

“I’ve run you a bath.” Robert said, leaning against the doorframe of their bedroom. They’d managed to escape Chas and her near constant badgering of Aaron after a couple of hours, making the excuse of needing an early night.

It was hardly a lie, Aaron looked absolutely horrendous. Robert didn’t need to ask to know that Aaron had hardly slept a wink the previous night, and the angry red skin of his knuckles, swelling that _should_ have gone down by now, twenty four hours after his punch up with Kasim, worrying him.

“What?”

“I’ve run you a bath.” Robert repeated, jerking his head toward the bathroom.

“Why?”

“Because you look terrible and you like baths.” Robert said, as if it were glaringly obvious. “Go on, it’ll go cold the longer you faff about.”

Aaron nodded, standing up slowly. Even the way he was moving had Robert worried, he was hunched over, moving slowly across their bedroom. Robert moved out of the doorway, letting Aaron pass.

Things weren’t right. They didn’t feel right, but it would take time - it would take time for them to move past their arguments of the previous day, and even longer to find a way to deal with Aaron’s insecurities.

But at least he was here.

At least Aaron was here, and he wasn’t spending another night in a cell down at Hotten police station, and now he was here, they had a chance.

Robert felt like he was finally starting to get through to Aaron. He’d been completely blind to Aaron’s disbelief and doubt for months now, or maybe he just hadn’t allowed himself to believe it was real, that Aaron’s distrust and insecurity was _real_ , but tonight, in the kitchen, when he refused to take the easy way out, Robert thought he saw a glimmer of _something_ a lot like hope flash across his fiancé’s face for a second, before it was gone again.

The minute Aaron had been taken into custody, Robert knew. Robert knew that he couldn’t live without him, that he couldn’t give up on their relationship, no matter what happened, no matter what Aaron said, or did. 

“Robert?” Aaron's voice was distant, carrying down the hallway toward their bedroom.

“Yeah?”

“Come here a second.”

Robert raised an eyebrow, but made his way down the hall, stepping into the steam filled bathroom. 

“I know you want to check.” Aaron was leaning against the sink, his arms folded over his chest. 

Robert feigned ignorance, shrugging at his fiancé.

“You hardly ran me a bath out of the goodness of your heart, Robert. I know you want to check if I’ve hurt myself, so go on, stay and watch.”

“I ran you a bath because I thought you needed one, I’m not going to force you to strip off in front of me.” Robert rolled his eyes, turning to leave.

“No, **stay**.” Aaron repeated, a little louder this time. “Maybe you can shut my mum up, make sure she knows I haven’t started self harming again.”

Robert was frozen in place as he watched Aaron yank his jumper over his head, tossing it aside.

“See? I’m fine.”

Robert couldn’t help it. He scanned Aaron’s chest and stomach, recognising the faded, silvery lines of his old scars, not a single new one added to the scattered collection that patterned his stomach. 

Swallowing thickly, Robert looked at Aaron properly. “But you’re not, are you? You're not fine.”

“What?”

“Nothing, your bath is going to go cold.” Robert shrugged his comment off, turning to leave. “I’ll talk to you in a bit.”

“I want to sleep in a bit, so talk to me now. And if you mention that you’ve ran me a bath one more time, I’ll snap, Robert. I have got two eyes and I can see the bath full of water next to me, thanks very much."

“I just want you to relax a bit.” Robert admitted, turning back to face Aaron. 

Aaron rolled his eyes, but didn’t say anything, unbuckling his belt. Robert watched as he stripped, tossing his clothes in a messy pile on the floor before tentatively getting into the warm bath.

It was something Robert had done a lot for him at the start of their relationship. Aaron did like baths, whether he said it or not, and on the nights when his nightmares would get out of control, Robert often found himself running Aaron a bath, and sitting on the floor of the bathroom, talking absolute nonsense to him in hushed tones until he could see Aaron visibly relax.

This felt a lot like that, Robert decided as he watched Aaron get into the steaming water, gathering his thoughts long enough to remember to close the bathroom door. Neither of them said anything for a few minutes, not until Aaron piped up.

“Why did you lie to me, Robert?” 

Robert didn’t say anything for a second, deciding he needed to sit down before he could reply. Closing the lid of the toilet, Robert sat down, facing Aaron. “I know I shouldn’t have.”

“Then why did you do it?”

“Because you get your back up if I so much as mention Rebecca, and I just didn’t want the hassle of another fight over _nothing_. Is that so wrong?”  


Aaron lay back in the water, closing his eyes for a second. “It makes it look worse when you lie to me about her.”   
“You’re jealous either way.”

“Can you blame me? She’s everything you ever wanted, gorgeous, rich, plenty of fun.” Aaron paused, taking a shaky breath. “Can you blame me for thinking you’ll want her over me? I’m as bloody messed up as they come, and now I’ve gone and gotten myself a GBH charge. Can you really blame me for not believing you’d want to stick around?”

Robert rubbed a hand across his face, frustrated. “I love you, Aaron. I told you that today - I love you, and only you.” 

“Then why have you got to flirt with everyone else?”

“I don’t - I don’t know. I’ve always been like that, Aaron.” Robert admitted. “It doesn’t mean I’m going to act on it, I don’t want anyone except you. You’re the person I want to come home to, you’re the only one I want to be with.”

Aaron’s eyes were still closed, the hot water turning his skin slightly pink as he lay there. Robert watched as Aaron’s brow furrowed, the other man clearly thinking.

“I don’t want us to be like this, I don’t want to have to spend every day of my life desperately trying to prove to you that I love you. It’s exhausting, Aaron.” 

“Don’t you think I’m exhausted too? This is all driving me mad, Rob. I don’t want to feel like this all the time, I really don’t.”

Robert didn’t know what to say. Or maybe he did.

“You need help, Aaron.” 

Aaron’s eyes flew open. “What?”  


“You need the kind of help I can’t give you.” Robert said quietly, trying to hide the shake in his voice as he finally said it aloud, admitted that he couldn’t help Aaron, not completely, not properly.

“So you’re leaving?”  
  
“Did I say that?” Robert couldn’t help the snappiness in his tone. “Why do you always think the worst of me? God, Aaron, I don’t deserve that.”

“You kissed Rebeca.”

“I apologised for that.” Robert countered.

“I don’t know how to explain how I feel.” Aaron admitted, sitting up a little, sending water sloshing over the side of the bath, soaking the bathmat through. He looked genuinely upset, and confused. 

Robert looked down at his hands, looking at the ring on his finger. Aaron had barely been arrested when he’d gone to find it, snatching it from the coffee table and jamming it back on his finger.

He’d never been so attached to something before.

“I’m going to tell you how I feel, then.” Robert said. “I love you. I want you, just you. I want to marry you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“It’s that simple?”

“No.” Robert sighed. “I think the past day or so has proved it’s not that simple. But just because its not simple, or easy, doesn’t mean it can’t work. I know you seem to think that the universe doesn’t want us together, but I don’t believe that. The thing is, I can’t fix this, us, on my own - you need to want us to work too, for us to be able to sort this.”

“What if we can’t fix this?” Aaron’s voice was small and quiet as he spoke, not quite looking at Robert. He’d been doing that a lot since he’d been released a few hours earlier, and Robert hated it.

Robert hated that his fiancé couldn’t look at him properly.

“Then at least we’ve tried.”

Aaron looked at Robert, really looked at him for the first time. He looked exhausted, his eyes red-rimmed and swollen, indicative of the sheer amount of tears that he’d cried, the sadness he had felt. 

“I didn’t think you’d be there, when I got released.” He admitted, ducking his head again.

“I’m sorry if I gave you that impression.” Robert said, thinking back to their argument last night, the moment he’d taken his engagement ring off. He’d just felt so defeated, so exhausted, so out of ideas.

“I didn’t mean it.”

“Mean what?”

“I don’t hate who I am around you.” Aaron shivered slightly, making Robert wonder if it was because the water had gone cold, or if he was just feeling as overwhelmed as he was right then.

Robert watched him intently, waiting for Aaron to continue.

“I mean, I hate being jealous, and paranoid, but I don't hate the person I am with you, not all the time. I am happy, with you. I just can’t help being jealous, maybe its the way I’m wired, or whatever.” Aaron said, glancing over at Robert. “I want to trust you. I want to just be _normal_ , be happy. I’m not sure how I can be, but I want that."

“I want you to be happy with me too, Aaron.” Robert reached behind him, grabbing a towel off the radiator, passing it to Aaron, who accepted it with a grateful smile. “I don’t have all the answers, you know.”

“Robert Sugden admitting he doesn’t know everything, I must be dreaming.” Aaron smiled slightly, getting out of the bath, wrapping the towel around his waist. “Thank you, by the way. The bath helped.”

“I’ll make us a cup of tea, eh?” Robert stood up, moving toward Aaron, as if on auto pilot, and then and hesitating.

Aaron made the decision for him, pressing a kiss to the corner of Robert’s mouth. It didn’t last more than half a second, but it was enough. “I do love you, you know.” 

“I love you.” Robert echoed, feeling completely overcome with emotion. It had been the twenty four hours from hell, and this, this was the first moment where it had started to feel like there was light at the end of the tunnel. It was funny really, how much a couple of words could mean to him when Aaron was the one saying them. 

He didn't say it all that often, and God, Robert cherished every time Aaron did say 'I love you' more and more every single time he did hear it.

They stood in silence in the middle of the bathroom for a couple of seconds, before Robert moved toward the door, breaking the spell they'd somehow gotten caught up in. “I’ll make that tea.”

He didn’t wait for Aaron to respond, padding downstairs to the kitchen. It was quiet, Liv already in bed, and Chas and Charity behind the bar. He was grateful for the silence in the backroom as he switched the kettle on, his mind wandering to the holiday they were supposed to be on right then, on the other side of the world.

Two empty first class flights to Vegas, a hotel room they wouldn’t get to use, and a wedding that wasn’t.

It wasn’t exactly how Robert had imagined his weekend starting out. He'd had dreams of a champagne bottle and a bed full of rose petals, and a happy husband-to-bed in his arms, not this, not a GBH charge hanging over their ends and a painful reminder of the fact they **had** called time on their relationship the previous night every time Robert thought, or breathed too deeply.

He made the tea quickly, heading back upstairs to their room. Robert had unpacked in a panic that morning, putting his shirts and jumpers back in the wardrobe where they’d belonged - he hated that his first instinct had been to run.

He _hated_ that he’d made Aaron think he would really leave. 

Robert padded into their bedroom, a soft smile on his face as he noticed Aaron passed out in the middle of their bed. He’d managed to get into a t-shirt and joggers, but his hair was wet and flat against his forehead, making him look so much younger than he actually was as he slept, snoring gently into Robert’s pillow.

He set the two cups of tea down on their chest of drawers, easing off his shoes, and jeans, chucking his clothes in the washing basket in the corner of their room before he pulled on his own pyjamas.

Aaron was managing to take up most of the space in their bed, and it made Robert smile as he eased himself down next to him. Aaron stirred as Robert wrapped his arms around him, pulling the duvet up over their bodies - not enough to wake up, but enough to recognise that Robert was there, that he wasn't alone.

Robert breathed in his familiar scent as he laid down, the mix of his shower gel and shampoo a comfort. He’d barely slept the previous night, their cramped bed too _big_ and too _cold_ and too _empty_. 

Aaron wrapped his arms around Robert’s waist, burrowing his face in Robert’s chest. It wasn’t often that Aaron was this clingy, and Robert hadn’t expected it, not after the argument they’d had, the accusations they’d thrown at each other.

But they needed each other tonight.

They always needed each other, if Robert was being honest about it. But tonight felt like a night where they _really_ needed each other, desperately needed each other. 

Their problems would still be there in the morning when they woke, but for now, it was just Aaron and Robert, and they were always at their best when it was just the two of them.

**Author's Note:**

> i should probably be sleeping but this sort of wrote itself, if i'm honest. this has been such a brilliant week of episodes, but sometimes we don't get the conversations from these two that i crave!
> 
> i'm robertsuggles over on tumblr if you wanna cry about these two.


End file.
